Tuesday Tirade

Lots of stuff runnin thru me brain so I'm just gonna type & post.  Put on your helmets. 

 

There are a few times of year I really enjoy – NHL Trade Deadline Day in Feb/March, NHL Playoffs (better of course when the Stars make it but they showed forward motion so I'm good), July 1^st free-for-all for UFAs, Fall and Spring.  Hmmm…most of that was hockey related, trust me it speaks volumes about the utter lack of social life I have but that is another post for another day perhaps.  I like Spring because the weather is great – not too hot & not too cold, flowers are blooming and it just feels like new to me…like a time for changes or whatever.  I guess we have the term 'Spring Cleaning' for a reason, huh?  My bday is in the Spring which almost always brings out reflections about life, family, friends, etc.  I have been kinda blah and feelin sorry for myself because I have no plans for my bday.  I will probably be at home by myself like most of the recent bdays I've had….then I realized something – if I went back to one year ago this week, would I rather be there or here?  Without hesitation I can tell you the answer is HERE.  Realizing this makes me feel better.  Last year my life was absolutely miserable and now I am happier and in a better place physically & mentally.  While it seemed like quite a sucker punch at the time (T bailing), it is yet another example of everything happening for a reason and working out well….for this I am truly thankful. 

 

Another thing that I am happy about it is that I have been able to make a few new friends, catch up with a couple of old friends and keep growing the friendships I already had.  I'm not always the most social person ever so while I want to be spending time with friends, it does not always happen.  The last few days I've been in a real funk… I want the comfort of my friends but I never quite know how to reach out for it.  I've always had that problem and it has caused me to feel isolated to the point of where its crushing. I have a good group of friends, I know they'd help me if I needed it…I simply hit the wall when it comes to letting them know I need them. 

 

Speaking of old friends, I genuinely had FUN a few weeks ago when I got to see a pal I haven't talked to or seen in almost 20 years.  There were no kids, no hockey parents and no drama.  Life is short, I need to have more "fun". 

 

TGC's hockey season is finally over.  I am relieved.  It was stressful and kept me so busy I barely had any time for anything else from August to April 1^st.  That is a long damn time to be chained to anything….I hope she appreciates it when she's older haha  I have not had the heart to tell her yet that she likely played her last game with the org she played for this past season.  She ages up and I fear that it is simply outside my means.  She never asks for anything but to play for this organization and I feel pretty fkn crappy that I will likely not be able to do that for her. 

 

I'm tired of always being the one who makes the effort -  I know that seems random but it means something to me.  I may expand on it later or I may just let it sit there for a while.  Felt good to just put it there though. 

 

Ahhh and just like every good crazy, the little black rain cloud has turned into a combination of sarcasm & disdain.  In other words, I feel like me again hahhahahaha