Dear Sean Avery,

Let me take a moment to welcome you to Dallas. I am quite excited and amused by the news that you will be part of our great hockey organization for the next 4 years; however, I’d like to toss out a few things up front.

1) Now that you have the contract and will wear the best damn sweater in the NHL, let’s make sure we get what we paid for… meaning I want to see the Sean Avery that everyone loves to hate simply because you aren’t on their team. In other words, now is not the time to tone down the ‘tude, buddy.
2) To be more specific, I want to see you parked in front of Osgood every single time we play the Red Things. When he tries to look up the ice, he needs to see just your pearly whites flapping at him much like your performance against NJ in the playoffs – or you scoring a goal on him. If you can manage to do both, I just may write you in for President.
3) We love Steve Ott here and he likes you so we will like you. Don’t disappoint Otter. That will make me sad and I tend to make signs when I go to games… just sayin.
4) A hockey player who interned at Vogue during the off-season. Frankly, that is very anti-hockey but I like it. If anyone could pull that off, it is you. If Cindy Crosby did it, it would just make him seem even more “pretty” and that is the epitome of anti-hockey. I shall hold you to a much higher fashion standard when you are out and about Dallas and/or gussied up to head to a game. I want to see some Prada, ya got me? Cuz Prada + hockey players = my O face. We on the same page here? Good.

I think that does it for now but I do reserve the right to add things to my list during your time as a Star. Make us proud, Mr. Avery…and welcome to Dallas!

Btw…*love* the glasses.